i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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