He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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