They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
