I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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