is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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