But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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