Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
