I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
