walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
