Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
