It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
