I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
