I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
