dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
