i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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