How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
