you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
me + whiskey = a bad person
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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