At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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