i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
