Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
