Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
