zippers are such a cool invention
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
