Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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