I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want her autograph on my taint
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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