Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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