What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize