So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
even my farts smell like vagina
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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