Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
