Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
