take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
