Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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