Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
