i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize