You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
