My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
