i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
