Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
