i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
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And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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