I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
