she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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