I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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