I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
