so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
