3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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