yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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