does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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