Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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