Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
