We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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