Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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