1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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