dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
