I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Drunk walkin through police station. America
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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