So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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