he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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