have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
