i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
