Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
