ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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